too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
