I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Your mouth is God's brothel.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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