Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
