No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
