just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
