Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
