all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize