Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
