; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
