I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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