I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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