I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
