dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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