My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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