y did u give ur computer a hand job?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
