I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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