genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
