i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
