its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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