i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
