I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
