I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
