doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
