Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
