I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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