Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
