He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
