She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
