you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
