i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
