I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
lets start a swedish sibling band together
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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