cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
