I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
