i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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