Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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