I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
