I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
