he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
