I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
