So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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