hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
