So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This is my gift to your gina
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
