are you still at the devil's house?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
