we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
