I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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