P.S. I can't hear my feet
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
