you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Randomize
