The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
