you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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