The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
