Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I love you. Go after that dick
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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