biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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