At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
