I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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