tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
