I think my fart just growled at me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
