eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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