I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
