His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
