I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize