I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
