I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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