She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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