They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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