I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
