His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
