Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
