2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
