I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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