Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
