I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
