well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Please don't give away my fajitas
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
