The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
