hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
