As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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