happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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