Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
