You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
