go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
