I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
