theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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