a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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