i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
