Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
