I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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