So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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