could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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