At least make sure they are 18
Why
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize