I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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