My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
