Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
