We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
