Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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