don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
