were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
