So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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