Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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