i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
