We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
