Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize