Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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