the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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