Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
