final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
